Tuesday, 21 November 2006

Zoo foolery

Today was a good day. A uni trip to Chester Zoo, yaaay!

I hadn't been to the zoo for ages, but among the endless monkeys and Magical Nuts that look like arses...there was fish.
Fish; In my opinion they're very interesting creatures the way they gawp all the time, constantly looking busy, then it struck me.
What are Fish thinking of? What could fish possibly be thinking? Wouldn't it be great to talk to fish? To find out what fish thought? What do fish think?

Personally I'd think it be great, to have Dr Doolittle powers, but just with fish (yeah, it would be better with all animals, but I'm just talking about fish for now.)
Anyway, If I could talk to fish, I'd think it would be GREAT! Just maybe they might know the past of the Earth, how dinosaurs definately died, how Atlantis vanished, extraterrestrial life and finally, secrets of the universe and God!
But after that I was soon struck with the problem of basic vocabulary of these undersea creatures.


I walk into aquarium, a fish in a tank looks interested, I walk over towards tank and start to use my telepathic powers discovered thanks to be bitten by a radioactive fish finger.

ME: Hello fish!

Fish: Hello! You're not a fish!

ME: No, I'm a human, we are a form of mammal, we have our own culture and languages!

Fish: Culture?

ME: yes! Culture! A way of living, we have many different ones!

Fish: We eat plankton.

ME: Hahaha! Plankton! Thats a character in 'Spongebob Squarepants' on Telly! He always tries to steal a Crabby Pattie to find out its secret ingredient!

Fish: Telly? Plankton?

ME: Television, its a combination of audio/visual to create a lifelike image and sound, its really very good.

Fish: No, no idea what you're on about.

ME: Oh. Of course, you wouldn't know.

Fish: Tell me more about Plankton.

ME: No, no, hes just a fictional cartoon character, hes not real.

Fish: Plankton!

ME: Yeaaah, Plankton, don't you eat anything else?

Fish: I'll tell you something...

ME: What, what?

Fish: I'm hungry, got any plankton?

ME: Okay, forget I mentioned plankton. Say, what about 'God?

Fish: God?

ME: He created you.

Fish: Never heard of him.

ME: How could you possibly not hear of God?! Is there no force you worship?

Fish: Yes...

ME: W-w-what is it?

Fish: Plankton, we worship plankton.

I walk out of aquarium with smashed tank, flooding and flapping fish on the floor.

Also it has come to my attention that somewhere, someplace, there may be a alternate universe where people go to the Zoo to see wild Instruments.

"Symphony Zoo is the largest Zoo in the UK housing over 5,000 musical instruments and hiring as many as 500 zoo conductors at peak time. The Zoo’s main aim is to promote the awareness of conservation and to support the many endangered species of the world through breeding programs, welfare and education. This focus on breeding and conservation was made famous when Symphony Zoo succeeded in rearing Arron, the first Grand Piano to be born and raised in the UK in 1977, a landmark feat.

The Zoo is unique in it’s desire to house and display musical instruments in as close to their natural environment as possible with spacious exhibits spanning 80 acres of garden land. The zoo itself is steeped in history, founded by Zephoit K Trench in 1812 as a small collection of instruments acquired through the death of the infamous, unsuccessful music composer Cheezak.
Through well-structured building and development the zoo has now become one of Europe’s top instrument zoos providing action-packed days out for people of all ages.
The zoo’s main attractions include the Asian Hammond Organ House and Island, a Piccolo Pool with excellent underwater viewing and the Opera Zone housing all things Brass and windy including Trombones and Black Flutes. As a break from the instruments Symphony Zoo also has extensive and award winning musical gardens offering relaxing walks and picnic areas.

It is not possible to see all of Symphony Zoo in a day and a good idea is to take the Zoo's Musical Monorail Ride giving impressive views of the gardens and exhibits. Some of the musical attractions that have great views from the Monorail include the Tubas, Xylophones and Musical Triangles although each ride offers a new and unique experience providing different views every time. The trains run every day and have commentary providing valuable and interesting information on the wondrous sights below.

Another way to see many of the zoo's sights is to take the Zoo Kazoo, which offers more interesting views of the instruments throughout a 15-minute Kazoo ride. Some of the instrument attractions that have great views from the kazoo include the Glockenspiels, accordions and bagpipes. Like the Musical Monorail the Kazoo is open daily but is subject to weather conditions.

The most important part of Symphony Zoo is of course the instruments but there are also a large number of other attractions including some excellent cafes, bars and shops. The Zoo has a wide range of culinary delights with the most popular spots including the Andrew Lloyd Webber Restaurant, which provides a definite Victorian feel and excellent tea, there is also the Royal philharmonic café and the Salvation Army restaurant available for refreshments.

The Zoo is a must see when visiting with more attractions than physically possible to
experience in a day. Do not forget your camera and microphone, as there will definitely be a large number of superb photo opportunities. Tips for instruments to look out for are:

• Trumpet
• Cello
• Clarinet
• Banjo
• Harmonica
• Acoustic Guitar

Opening Times

The Zoo is open every day of the year (except for Christmas Day and last night of the proms). Opening time is always 10 am. Last admission times vary with the seasons - from 3:30 pm in mid-Winter to 5:30 in high Summer. The Zoo closes 1 1/2 hours after the last admission (1 hour in December/January). Please check at the time of visiting. Closing times for instrument houses, cafes, restaurants and shops are displayed at the Information Kiosk. Car parks close 30 minutes after zoo closing time."

For the real unaltered text read this.


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