Monday, 21 February 2011

About Job Centre Advisors

  • Job Centre advisors are tortured souls loaned from Hell under special conditions to continue passing around their anguish and depression to hard working, good people trying their best to get a job and a foot in the door of life.
  • The Army has a Orbital Area Cannon hovering over every job centre in the world just in case a job centre advisor attempts to ascend to a higher state of consciousness
  • The Great Fire of London was caused by a Job Centre advisor
  • Freddy Kruger once considered being a Job Centre advisor, but didn't like the paperwork, but just decided to just ruin peoples dreams instead as that was part of the job description
  • Job Centre advisors have special, magical machines under their desk which print out jobs which get retconned by twisting time and space to being 'on the system in the first place' even though they seemingly weren't downstairs on the job point which crashed on you 10 minutes ago.
  • It is a known fact that a Job Centre Advisor would become a paradox and fail to exist if they were to lose their job, it would be too much for their tiny little minds to comprehend
  • Everytime you sign on, Job Centre Advisors take 50 pence from your payment in order to fund a utopia with plans to eradicate the 'unfortunate ones' and settle on a remote tropical island
  • The Agents in The Matrix were actually Job Centre advisor programs
  • To apply for a Job Centre advisory position, your CV must on all counts clearly mention that you've stolen candy from small children on several accounts
  • Due to budgetary reasons, 10% of Job Centre advisors have been quietly replaced by robots with 3 phrases and facial expressions which can be used in any situation.
  • Job Centre Advisors never passed on being 'it'

    * The above are far fetched satirical theories behind the puzzle that is the Job Centre advisor and are not at all true. Unless they actually turn out to be true and the special shades I got off the policeman end up working properly.

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